Jedi Order -=Year 243=-
Jedi Order Temple => Other Star Wars stuff => Lore and Legend - Star Wars => : ChrisGrim October 09, 2009, 11:38 PM
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I've decided it's time to end this chapter of my life, and to do so I feel a story that ends the character is the best way to go. The story will be called "The Final Hour - The Death of Christopher Grim".
To fully have you understand the story I'll need to fill you in on the "Road to Redemption" story that I deleted. So, here's a synopsis.
Chris Grim comes back to the Jedi Temple to try and pick up the pieces of his old life. He's killed his Master (Mukhtar) and let go of the hatred for his father which leaves him to believe he can make it work. He is mistaken.
As he makes the transition back he finds that he cannot be a Jedi. His life has been filled with too much pain and hatred. He's watched his mother die, the girl he loves die, he's lost Myste/Nimora (his last true friend), he's been betrayed by two Masters and has killed his own brother. He can't be a Jedi and he knows it.
He makes the decision to leave after sparring with a youngling in the temple. He uses Grip on the youngling and nearly kills him. He understands now what Mukhtar told him before his death. He will never be able to be a Jedi again.
Before he can even pack a bag the Jedi Temple is attacked by a large group of Dark Jedi. They are untrained and lack in much skill. The Jedi defeat them with no trouble, it reminds Grim of raids he, Mukhtar, and Nimora used to do on Dark Jedi groups to thin out the competition.
They catch one alive and they demand answers, but the answers they get only serves to confuse and anger Grim. The Dark Jedi claims they came to sieze the mantel of Dark Lord from Chris.
He explains that by killing Lord Mukhtar, even as his last act as a Sith, was still an act of a Sith. He took the mantel from Mukhtar, and whether HE acknowledges it or not the Dark Jedi/Sith community acknowledges it. This will not be the last attack. Every Dark Jedi who wants to make a name for themself will be after Chris. They will kill a Jedi AND a Dark Lord in one strike with their saber.
Chris ignites his blade and cuts down the Dark Jedi and leaves the Temple deciding that he can't live in the Temple for a day longer. He can't risk anyone dying because of his past. So, he sets out into the galaxy looking to stay alive kill as many Dark Jedi as come his way.
That's the story. This new story will be the last. It'll take a while to write since I'm in the middle of writing a book, but it'll come up periodically. This thread will be used for the story discussion to save forum space. Stay tuned.
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As always, it will be an interesting read.
Look forward to it.
Regards,
Menelaos
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Long story short, my PC died with my story on it. Had to reformat and as a consequence I lost the first three chapters... *sigh*... I have a few days off so I think I'll rewrite them and start posting them as soon as they are completed. I wanted to drop it all in one shot so people could read from beginning to end but the computer Gods do not wish as such, apparently.
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Yeah that sucks when a pc is a douche :/ I feel for you
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DOUCHE!!!!
Regards,
Menelaos
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Yeah that sucks when a pc is a douche :/ I feel for you
You use a PC as a douche?
Dayuuuumn. You must've been around Ms. Luster.
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Well, you know me.
ONLY TECHNOLOGY CAN HELP ME!
"He's more machine than man now . . . . ."
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Well, you know me.
ONLY TECHNOLOGY CAN HELP ME!
"He's more machine than man now . . . . ."
LOL!!
Regards,
Menelaos
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SAVE US, ROBOFANNY.
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With a little Green Day blasting in my ears I've almost completed the first chapter. I'll have it posted in no more than an hour.
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With a little Green Day blasting in my ears I've almost completed the first chapter. I'll have it posted in no more than an hour.
Alright... little more than an hour, lol. First chapter is up. Short, but it didn't need to be extended, it was just an introductory to the story of the next 9 chapters anyways. It'll do. No ETA for the rest, I'm finishing the planning now.
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Reading it now.
Regards,
Menelaos
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You make me wanna do a piece on the death of Uron lol
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Good start.
I hope the similarity between Grim and Anakin start to distance themselves as it is starting to sound too much like the same story.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that you include your mother into things, but with addint Nyphadora over there and the fact you turned to the dark...well sounds a little too 'done already'.
I like it, I like that you are hopeful to find her, but that it is not your priority. If you find her good, if you don't, oh well...you continue.
Another suggestion, if I may, is to make sure you don't cheapen the story by having you take on 5 Siths at a time and kill them all. Your story has a nice feel of credibility that would be cheapened with dare devil heroics. Realistic fights/battles would keep that credibility feel and would in the end provide a great story.
I look forward to the next chapter and hope you decide to extend it beyond the few chapters you intended to write.
Regards,
Menelaos
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I knew I forgot to change something. When he speaks to... well, technically he speaks to himself but hopes his mother hears him he's not supposed to make it sound like he is currently fallen. He's supposed to try and explain that he's gone down the wrong path but is trying to make amends for that. Part of the story I posted in this thread is that he went back to the Jedi to continue his training but finds he's gone too far down the Dark path that he cannot possibly go back. He is a danger to everyone around him so now he looks for the one person he knows he can't hurt so that he doesn't have to be alone. That is the point of the story, not that he's on the path to his death.
As for the 'taking on 5 Sith' thing, I had an idea to work around it so that I can show how powerful he's become but do so without making it unbelievable... Even for a Jedi.
EDIT: I made alterations to the First Chapter to better explain what is happening so far in the story and whatnot. Hopefully this helps with the whole pulling away from the Anakin storyline thing as I've been trying to do ever since CG came back from the SoP and the Dark Side.
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Alright, I have a new vision for this that I'm working on and have mostly planned out. I decided that the story, while it opens as a mission to Dark Jedi and finding Nimora, is also about tying up loose ends and putting Chris in a good place leading up to his death.
He'll run into old companions, learn new things, and get the closure he needs to peacefully let go.
I've also somewhat created a new force technique which is essentially a force lightning bomb. It's not special, it's not something that only Grim can do (as he explains), and it's not meant to show him to be uber. It's a technique he comes up with while trying to do something else and it's one that he believes anyone can learn if they wanted to.
The issue being that it pretty much kills everything in a 100-foot radius so... who would want to?
This is likely my final story in the CG chronicles. I love the character and I love the story but it's time to end it. He's 44 now and the longer I wait the harder it will be for me to end him.
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Scheisse, didn't notice this.
I will read it and share my thoughts (complain most likely ;)
Regards,
Menelaos
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Naturally ;) :D
So, I've been working on the later chapters, planning it all out, and it looks like this is how the story will end. Seems fitting the way it plays out. I've also been working on the physics and concept of the force bomb so I can explain how it is done, why it's powerful, why anyone can use it but no one has (beyond being suicidal), and why it's more powerful for stronger jedi/sith than others. I decided I had to get it all worked out because there is bound to be someone who complains about it and asks for it to be explained beyond just the concept.
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Scheisse, didn't notice this.
I will read it and share my thoughts (complain most likely ;)
Regards,
Menelaos
menelaos if you like food, you should try being a food critic if you dont mind typing... be a good hobbie for ya.
Nah nothing wrong with pointing stuff out. I agree tho seems like a story already told... err a couple of times. nonetheless great work tho i read most of it and was a great story is making me wanna go check out your past stories. Nice work grim.
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So, even though I'm effectively killing my character I've noticed a dramatic lack of stories for him. He has stories between 12-14 and this one at 44 but nothing in between. I'm going to change that.
I'm planning to do the complete Grim Chronicles including making up missions, recapping some that we RP'ed that I remember, also including a couple meaningful training sessions as filler. Trials (which I always intended to write) will be brought up and stylize since I failed so miserably through them (lol). I'm going to expand the Chris/Vroxil/Mikeman story since it's sort of A-B-Z right now.
I'm also going to write his fall to the Dark Side, rewrite it to be more specific because I don't like the way I did it in the first place. I can't find it anyways so that's helpful. Going to write a few missions there too that I had going before Drake-tar deleted the website. And of course his comeback to the Jedi.
My goal is to have one story for every four or five years between 12 and 44. Some stretches will have more but every five years will at least have one. Still, maybe I can bring a bit of activity here, give the forum viewers something to read.
Oh, speaking of, does anyone remember around what time Drake-tar, Myste, and I left? It'll just help for the authenticity is all. It's hard to keep dates straight when 500+ of your posts are unavailable to you because of restrictions on what parts of the forum you can view. Going to have to rely heavily on people in the clan to help me keep certain things straight, please and thank you.
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You know what would set you story trully aside from all other stories ever written?
If you concentrated on the little things, such as your training, your saber building, your first time using force powers, your learning/findings in classes, etc.
If its all about martyrdom, struggle with the dark side, need for revenge, etc then it has all been done before. I am not suggesting there is none of this in your story, but I would much rather read something that has not been written over and over.
Make it personal, speak of relationships (more than just the love of your life), how did you feel about taht other Padawan you always competed with, was there someone who stood out and helped you through things, did you have a fav subject, did you idolize any Masters, any missions you were in (where you did NOT become the hero...again, overdone), etc.
Just some food for thought.
Regards,
Menelaos
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That's actually very much what I am considering when constructing the Chronicles timeline. I want to give a more in depth look into my characters mind and experiences as he grew up. What he thought of people, what he enjoyed, the things he did around the temple, the feelings he had, the first impressions he got of certain people, etc. I want to talk about tournaments within the Temple that he competed in and lost, what that did to his ego. The first time he actually met a former Master (it was Wooklyn, actually) and the conflicts he had internally between what he knew was right and what he instinctively did. I want to talk about his relationship with Zunin and the transition to you as his Master.
I basically intend to talk about everything. As much as I can remember. There will be the odd story that needs to follow the RP storyline less than the actual JKA portrayal. Some stories he'll have to be the hero or the victim, some training sessions he'll have to show great power and others he'll have to struggle with. When I talk about his fall I can't sugar coat or gloss over it so there will be a lot of the struggle, revenge, etc. but I also hope to explain more of the WHY than the WHAT.
Ultimately I have to walk the line between what I've written and what I've done and make it seamless. Some stories will be what you are looking for and others will have to be more of what I've been leading up to. I hope to find a balance.
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Well, I'll be interested in reading them for 2 reasons:
1. You were my P and I am obviously going to be in them in one way or another
2. I enjoy reading well written stories
I just don't want you to follow the same "down the dark path" story that everyone does.
Regards,
Menelaos
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Well, since I just kind of left I wouldn't mind taking suggestions as to why he went down the Dark Path... Right now I have it written as the truth. The clan was inactive, I was getting bored with being the next forever-Padawan, I was fighting with more people than it was worth fighting with, and when Myste left I didn't see a reason to stay. That's what the general idea is because I'm basing it off of the RL truth, but I wouldn't mind a more stylized explanation if you have one.
EDIT: This is a brief look into Chapter Five where CG explains why he fell. Why Chris allowed Grim to take control (it's a multiple personality thing I toyed with). Still, I'll take suggestions and hold off posting.
“Explain.”
“The Jedi in my Temple had become complacent (inactivity). Because of that I knew that it would be near impossible to reach my goals (ranking). Further, as much as I shouldn’t have I wanted to become stronger, better at the things I knew my Temple was ill equipped to help me with (dueling). I was frustrated, angry even. All the time trying to prove myself was wasted when no one was even there to watch. All of this led to me needing a change (I wanted to roleplay a Sith) and Nimora’s leaving gave me that opening. My heart was never in the Evil. I didn’t enjoy a lot of it. The power was nice, the strength I felt, but it was false, really.
“As a Jedi you fight against the more powerful Sith and Dark Jedi in the galaxy. You are always fighting strong opponents. In the Sith Order we were constantly killing civilians and thinning the herd of the weaker Dark Jedi’s. I was stronger, felt stronger, but only because we avoided the stronger fighters.”
“With all those reasons to leave why did you come back to the Jedi?”
“I’m not evil,” I said confused. I thought the reason would be self-explanatory. “While the Sith teachings and abilities were fascinating their approach left a lot to be desired. I allowed myself to experience it, tap into the power. It was liberating for a while but eventually I grew tired of always having to be angry and filled with hatred in order to be powerful. I realized there had to be a better way. I guess I just stopped being angry.
“Besides, I had something to prove in the Jedi Order. I had to go back and try to prove myself once again.”
“Always about you, isn’t it?”
“As often as the situation allows it.”
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My suggestion is stick to what you percieve the truth to be.
I am sure there will be those who disagree with your assesment, like me, but its not us writting the story about Grim. It is YOU writting it.
I am sure if I were to write the Grim story as I saw it, well it would be much different then as you saw it. So, in order to be true to yourself, write it as you feel it played out.
Regards,
Menelaos
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I would be a bit scared to see my story through your eyes, I'm sure. lol. I foresee a lot of "dude, just shut up and do what I tell you to do", lol.
That actually would make for a great story in the chronicles, come to think of it.
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I'd be afraid to write it ;)
I don't expect to be seen through rose colored glasses in your stories based on how you left and what you said when you left, but I know things that were done/said that you don't so my story would be a little different based on what I know.
Anyway, its your story.
Do your thing and I will try to remain objective when I read it :P
Regards,
Menelaos
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lol, obviously context changes things. If I knew the things I didn't the story would have a different ending. Before you run off, pick a planet, any planet. Trying to plan out a mission or two.
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No clue!
Make planets up, mix your past 3 gf's names or something.
I don't know the SW planets other than the obvious ones.
Regards,
Menelaos
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I told the Councilors that this forum is going to be completely full of my characters stories and I wasn't exaggerating. I have 17 stories planned as of right now and I'm thinking there's a few more to be planned.
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That is fine, there is plenty of room here for as many stories as you want.
You might even inspire others to start writting.
Regards,
Menelaos
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I've come to notice a problem here that may have caused some issues. In the stories I wrote while in SoP I introduce the Lander character, in earlier stories I had planned I develop the Grim and Myste/Nim friendship, but the stories were either deleted when Drake-tar deleted the website (SoP's), when I formatted my computer, or I never got around to writing them. This leaves a noticeable gap in the timeline but also doesn't allow for the issues in this story to be explained very well.
Here's what you need to know now for the purposes of this story. When I go back and write more stories it'll all be explained. Right now the Chris Grim chronicles feels too much like the original Star Wars saga. You get the point, you understand some things but you know there is a lot left to be told and explained when 1-3 get made.
Lander was a Captain in SoP's military faction and a capable assassin around the time Grim and Nimora joined Mukhtar. He and Grim hated one another and often argued over... everything. Guns vs. Sabers, military vs. Apprentices. Etc. When SoP begins to look as if it were dying as Mukhtar began losing his mind Nimora and Lander left together (after starting a relationship no one was aware of until after).
Most people know the story behind Nimora and Grim based on the actual in-game interactions while still in JO so I don't really need to explain why he's chasing after her. Though, as I write more stories I'm going to introduce their friendship a bit more and when they leave for SoP.
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It's done. The last story of Grim's life is finished. He's dead. I have a lot of work to do to fill up his life with events and stories but... It's all just prequels leading to his death now. Goodbye Chris Grim.
This story is noticeably darker than stories past, and about what you can expect from his Dark Side stories. Anger, strength, slightly unrealistic abilities, complete disregard for life, etc. I like the Dark Side for that reason, really.
Anyways, Grim is dead.
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Ok, so I'll give you my honest opinion and I hope you take it with a grain of salt.
Obviously I like the part I am in. Didn't exactly say things the way I would have, but I could see you trying to have him be me which was nice of you.
The mom thing you have done and well, while I understand it, it was meh. Story could do without her. Reasons I say this is that I am trying to concentrate on your pursuit for Myste, your feelings between light/dark, and to throw in more feelings is just a bit too much.
Inner conflict is good, but the story is really (to me at least) about you finding her and finding out if you feel about her the way you think you do. (turns out you don't, and I was glad to see that...would have been too cheese otherwise)
Your dad was an OK twist, but what was great was the Ex. The fact she would resurface was unexpected and she was possibly the most interesting character for me. Both her background story and her reason for being there now.
The added element was her still remaining feelings for you which ended up being far trueer (if there is such a word) than anything Myste ever gave you.
Myste betrayal was not unexpected as this is exactly the impression I have of her and was her character which with us and away (who can forget Wook and others she alligned herself with).
Lander should have died. You should have crushed his skull with your bare hands as a final act of Darkness in you, and then you should have let her live with the knowledge you did that to Lander (the man she loved) and in the end she should have wished it was her and NOT Lander. When she wishes it was her and not you, well...then she should have picked you and she didnt right?
There is no better revenge than being kind (or light side) to her in letting her live, while still having given her the one most single moment of pain in letting her watch him die at your hands because of her!
Please keep in mind this i just my opinion and its nto worth much, but all in all I enjyoed it and the bomb was something that is not new (remember Bain used something similar) but was a fitting end to your life (not by combat which is refreshing)
I look forward to the other stuff and I hope Master Menelaos looks DAMB good in them =)
Regards,
Menelaos
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I think you have many good, valid points my former Master. I just want to give you and anyone else a bit of backstory as to why certain things were written as they were to maybe explain why I took the approach I did.
I considered asking you what you would have said but I didn't have time to wait for responses from you. I needed to get this out of me while it was so fresh. I did try to stay true to your character but it's hard to do and I'm not looking forward to writing the Menelaos/Grim training sessions. The more JO characters I bring in the harder it is for me to get the characters right. I mean, my first story was flamed at one point because Jorka, Ash, and Dal weren't done completely write. It's a daunting task to write other people's characters.
I'm glad Ahna was well received as she was my favorite character to write and I can't wait to go back and build their relationship a bit further in his early stories. At least their friendship. I never intended them to end up together and they never really date but there's always the strong connection and feelings between them and I'm looking forward to writing it further.
I know the Myste angle is definitely far from original. I guess I figured it was easier to go cliche and predictable since the story seemed to build towards it. As for the Lander part we discussed it (Myste and I) and because he's a part of her character story too I couldn't just kill him. It'd be like me writing a story while I was on the Dark Side and having me crush Achilles' skull. It's not my character to destroy and in the end I wanted Grim's last acts to be different than the one's that proceeded his birth.
I thought you might enjoy the way Chris dies, lol.
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Well tell her to write her own stuff ;)
If I didn't lack the imagination to do it, I would write something, but I never even wrote a Biography!! You know, this was once a requirement for all JO members and I got away with one!!! Muwhahahahaha
I did start writting it, and Erue (maybe Pann) was the only one to read it at the time. Not sure what I ever did with it, but I am pretty sure I never "published" it.
Regards,
Menelaos
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That's actually a shame. I think the Menelaos chronicles built on reality would rival anything I could make up for Grim. Your character has lived a very interesting life and most of it comes from your JK2, JKA, and forum interactions whereas most of Grim's was stuff I made up to build the character forward. Sort of one of those things where maybe, if I were a better writer and had a better handle on the Menelaos character, I'd be able to ghostwrite some stories and whatnot for you.
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Would be cool.
Someone once offered to write them...Phoenix did, ha imagine if he had...oh geez.
Maybe one day.
For now, reading the once you guys post is sufficient for me.
So keep them coming.
And Grim shouldn't be the only one, anyone can post them here in the Lore and Legend area...thats what it is for!
Regards,
Menelaos
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Hey Grim,
Tried to reply to your PM but it wont let me.
Says it doesn't recognize your name on the boards.
Regards,
Menelaos
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Well, that's no good.
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Send me an email at work.
Regards,
Menelaos
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Will do.
Quick note: I've begun writing another story. I'm starting from the beginning and working my way forward so this one is entitled:
The Grim Chronicles: Birth of a Child; Death of a Family
I'm going to power through as many stories as I can in as short a time as I can.
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Quality over quantity my old Padawan.
Be true to your stories, make sure they tell the story you want them to tell, and let the amount of stories that come via a process you enjoy.
Regards,
Menelaos
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I'm not rushing the planning or the stories, I'm just forcing myself to sit down and actually write them without stopping and taking breaks in between.
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I've decided to write a non-canon story. Basically just a fun story I thought about while watching SW: ROTS and wanted to write but obviously it can't and won't be a part of his actual character timeline. It'll be the next story I write.
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Alright, look forward to reading it.
Regards,
Menelaos